Bizarre Things No Wedding Planner Ever Wants To Hear

Posted by on January 11, 2013

As a wedding planner, you pretty much have to be able to take whatever comes at you and roll with it in order to make the wedding go smoothly.  Some times that is easier said than done.  Here’s a list of things no wedding planner ever wants to hear, but each of these really happened to me or a co-worker over the course of my career.

1.  “You might want to call the courthouse because the groom for your wedding this weekend is already married.  Here’s the case number.”

That can cause quite a bit of stress a few days before the wedding.  But more so for the bride than the wedding planner.  Especially if this is news to the bride.  Worked out really well for the former Mrs. though.  He was willing to sign the papers and give her whatever she wanted to expedite the divorce.  Timing is everything.

marriage license and divorce decrees and wedding planner blues

2.  “The groom for this wedding is wanted by the FBI, and they plan to arrest him on the wedding day. But try and act natural.” 

Guess he should have used a fake name on the invite.  Not exactly smart to print exactly where you’ll be and at what time if you’re wanted by the FBI.  It was a bit nerve-wracking to have extra plain-clothes security on hand, but not as nerve-wracking as the large silver (i.e. bullet-proof) briefcase the father of the groom carried around all day.  He wouldn’t let it out of his sight and wouldn’t put it down for anything.  (Our source said later it was guns.)   At the end of the day, both the bride AND the FBI got their man. 

 

3.  “You should have plastic cups in the bride’s dressing room.”

This one sounds harmless enough, right?  Well, until you know they wanted the plastic cup because the bride was having a hard time hitting the toilet with all those layers under her dress to hold out of the way.  Turns out they used a glass candy dish that was sitting on a table in the dressing room.  The mother of the bride was sure to mention that they washed it out really well in the bathroom sink and turned it upside down to dry.  That’s real classy right there.  Aside from the obvious WTF questions that arise with this one . . . I’m thinking the size of the hole in the toilet HAD to be a bigger and easier target than a small candy dish.  Of course, someone held it to make it easier to hit.  I’ve NEVER seen that on a list of Maid of Honor duties.  And what if her bladder could hold more than the candy dish?????

Red Solo cup and a candy dish to torment a wedding planner

4.  “Is it possible to change the groom’s name on the contract but leave everything else the same?”

Like, change his name as in a completely different groom and therefore a different name.  Within a couple of months of the wedding day.  With everything already booked and planned.  Well, it’s a relatively easy change to make on the computer.  But it speaks volumes about what kind of person you are, what this wedding will be like, and the statistical probability that this marriage will fail. 

 

5.  “My last wedding I had with you guys was great.  Can we do all the same things we did last time?  But let’s not tell my new bride I already did all this, okay?”

Similar to #4, it’s relatively easy to do on this end, but it says a lot. 

 

6.  “I don’t think I can do this.  I don’t want to marry him.”

This would be awkward enough for a wedding planner during any point of planning someone’s wedding, but when I opened the door of the limo to escort the bride into the ceremony (where everyone else was already seated and all bridesmaids and groomsmen were already at the altar with the groom), it was more than a tad bit awkward.  I don’t have the proper degrees or certificates on my wall to answer that question, but if you can ask it at that particular moment, that’s pretty much an answer in itself, dontcha think?  (She went down the aisle.  I think about her often and wonder how it all turned out.)     

 

7.  “Could you take a few pictures for me?”

This one sounds harmless too, until you know that the bride asked the wedding planner this question while wearing only her veil and her heels.  Maybe a garter.

High Heel Shoes and a Lace Garter for Wedding Planner Surprise Photo Shoot

8.  “The power just went out.”  Or “We missed the exit.”  Or “I’m in the middle of a lake.” 

All three of these have been explained in an earlier post, but they had to make this list, so I rolled them into one to squeeze them in.

 

9.  “The parents of the bride have decided that since they’re paying for it, the bride is not allowed to make any decisions for the reception.  They have asked me to share the information with you, but you can’t tell her what we discuss.”

Awkward meeting with a catering manager when the bride (who hired you and signed your contract) is sitting right next to you when this is said.  Family dynamics are wonderful to deal with when planning weddings.  An equally awkward part of this catering meeting was the bride saying to me, “Can you at least make sure there is something on the menu I will eat?”   (There wasn’t.)

 

10.  This one requires a bit of set-up.  The ceremony has started.  The guests are all seated.  The groom and his men are in place at the altar with the minister.  The bridesmaids have all gone down the aisle.  The maid of honor is headed toward the altar and I am headed over to the dressing room to get the bride so she can walk down the aisle.  She is in the restroom.  Says she may be a while.  Says her stomach is upset.  Not good news.  I go back and motion for the organist to stall before starting the song for her big entrance.  After what seems like an eternal pause, I head back over to the dressing room and ask if she is ready.  And through the bathroom door I hear. . .

            “This is really embarrassing, but I’m holding up the dress with both hands, and I can’t reach to wipe.”

You better believe I marched back over and got the Maid of Honor off the altar right quick-like.  It probably made the groom nervous as hell after the long unexplained pause he just waited through, but there are just some things I don’t do for a bride.

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14 Responses to Bizarre Things No Wedding Planner Ever Wants To Hear

  1. Michael O'Feild

    Hilarious. I might be interested in the photographers job if similar to the one you described here.

  2. Mom

    Well, in searching for the good things in that career, I find I can’t remember your ever complaining about being bored.

    • The Goddess Howe

      True! Very true! I actually really enjoyed being an event planner, and there were many, many good weddings that turned out wonderfully. Those stories just aren’t nearly as funny!

  3. winopants

    Wow, just wow. The poo one especially- I will remember to pick a dress that lets me wipe because, seriously wth

    • The Goddess Howe

      Always a good thing to be able to wipe your own behind. Just saying.

  4. Jan Sheldon

    It almost makes me wish I was a wedding coordinator so I would have those funny stories to look back upon. Maybe I should begin writing stories of my little children!

  5. darcyperdu

    Those are absolutely hilarious! Thanks for sharing those awesome moments! Musta been hard to keep a straight face! — Darcy

    • The Goddess Howe

      I think the hardest part was keeping the censor in place over my mouth so that I didn’t tell them what I was thinking!

  6. Tammy

    Too funny! Love it!

    • The Goddess Howe

      Hopefully we won’t have any to add to the list from your wedding!

  7. Jim Howe

    #7 and #10 can go together… Wipe her ass before the picture!!!!!!!! Love Ya!!!

    • The Goddess Howe

      You really missed your calling in Stand-up. ;o) Love ya and looking forward to seeing you guys!

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